What The Hell America!

In Four Mothers, journalist Abigail Leonard explores how national policies and cultural norms in Finland, Japan, Kenya and the U.S. shape the first year of motherhood—and redefine what it means to parent in vastly different societies.

“Parenthood is shaped by the broad systems our societies have built over time,” writes award-winning journalist and mother Abigail Leonard in Four Mothers: An Intimate Journey Through the First Year of Parenthood in Four Countries. “Many of the big decisions, like how much time to spend with their children and how to divide the emotional and physical labor with their partner, are heavily determined by the social structures of the place women give birth.” 

The ways this works to reinforce or expand ideas about gender, family, reproduction and out-of-home work are at the core of Leonard’s deeply reported interrogation of the social, emotional and physical toll of parenthood in Finland, Japan, Kenya and the United States. Social supports (or their lack)—from affordable childcare and healthcare, to social groupings of other new parents, to the counsel of public health professionals—are highlighted in the lives of four cis women. It’s a powerful look at the hard, often lonely work of creating and raising the next generation.

Leonard spoke to Ms. about the book ahead of its May 6, 2025, release.

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

Eleanor J. Bader: You were born and raised in the U.S. and lived in Japan for several years. Why did you choose to include Finnish and Kenyan mothers?

Abigail Leonard: As I write in the book, the U.S. is the country I know best, with its history of female professional achievement and weak social safety net. I wanted to understand whether these two things were connected or if it was possible to have gender equality and a strong benefits system at the same time.

This led me to the Nordic countries, where I was particularly interested in whether strong social programs could make up for difficult personal circumstances. 

Japan is one of the world’s largest economies, and Tokyo, with 39 million people, is the biggest city on the planet. Yet the country maintains one of the most generous social welfare systems anywhere. Living there, though, I saw that its strict gender roles undercut these benefits for both men and women. 

When I started this project, I knew that I wanted to include people from different continents. Africa has a higher birth rate than the rest of the world. In 2024, Kenya had 25.6 births per 1000 people, compared with 12.2 in the U.S. I wanted to see the generational changes there. Another advantage was that Kenyans speak English.

Bader: How did you find the women whose stories you included?  

Leonard: I knew I wanted the four women to be comparable, middle-class, educated, happy about their pregnancies, and due to deliver around January 2022, the beginning of the calendar year. I found Sarah, the U.S. mother, online through a parents’ website. I found the other three through journalists who were based in the countries I was focusing on. They reached out and found the participants for me. I began tracking the four women in January 2022, just before they gave birth and followed them for a full year, until their babies turned one.   

Bader: How well did you get to know them?

Leonard: I visited all four in their homes because I wanted to get a sense of what their lives were like. We also met regularly over Zoom and talked by phone.

The journalists were a tremendous help, taking photos and videos so I could see what was happening when I was not physically present. For example, when Chelsea in Kenya got her daughter’s ears pierced, the reporter took pictures and videos, and I saw exactly where Chelsea had gone. I then asked about how she experienced this event the next time we talked. When I went to Kenya, I went to the site in person so I could describe it accurately. 

I tried to see as many places as I could in each family’s life. I wanted the visuals to be vivid for readers. As for the frequency of contact, I spoke to each new mom at least once a month for 60 to 90 minutes, but we often communicated much more frequently. Tsukasa in Japan speaks limited English, and I speak limited Japanese, so we had to use an interpreter, but I frequently texted or emailed back and forth with the other three. I think the fact that I was interested in the minutiae of their lives helped us connect.

Bader: The book includes a great deal of personal drama—Anna in Finland breaks up with her partner; Sarah in the U.S. has to deal with her husband’s sexual interest in men and polyamory; Tsukasa’s husband is a workaholic; and Chelsea is abandoned by her baby’s father—but the book never descends into soap opera. How much editing did you do?

Leonard: I was so grateful to these women for opening up and thought the details they offered provided an interesting window into relationships. But I did want to keep the narrative focused. Everyone’s life is complicated, and you can choose any thread to pull; at the same time, I wanted the book to address the need for social support and the challenges facing new moms. 

Bader: Did anything you discovered surprise you?

Needless to say, motherhood is universally hard, but I learned that just how hard it is depends on where you happen to give birth.

Abigail Leonard

Leonard: I was surprised by how many steps Kenya has taken to protect mothers and about how much influence American politics has there since American ideas about privatized childcare, private health insurance and restrictions on reproductive medicine have impacted what is available.

I also found it interesting that so many generations in Finland have worked on ensuring that robust social supports are available that the culture gender roles have shifted. Seeing how much freedom these supports gave Anna, including not having to worry about the cost of labor and delivery, meant that she did not have to fear becoming dependent on her partner for financial help. Needless to say, motherhood is universally hard, but I learned that just how hard it is depends on where you happen to give birth.

Sarah in the U.S. experienced mental anguish because so much was out of her control. The idea of having to find a place to pump breast milk tied her in knots, and once she returned to her job as a teacher, she had to drive a very long way twice a day, five days a week, to bring her baby to her parents’ house because she could not afford childcare.

At the same time, for her, I think participating in the book was an act of political speech that she seemed to relish and felt was meaningful.  

For Anna, speaking to me gave her a chance to share her pride in the Finnish system. It was a way for her to share her thoughts and appreciation for the support she receives.  

In Japan, government-organized mothers’ groups create opportunities for women to meet, get support from one another and build relationships. Tsukasa got validation about the difficulties of breastfeeding from the other moms. The support of these mothers went a long way in making her feel less lonely and inept.  

This was also true for me. I had all three of my children in Japan and it was so nice to talk to a public health nurse at the community center I went to, as well as other new moms about day-to-day stuff. It really helped alleviate at least some of my anxiety.

People often talk about postpartum depression, but postpartum anxiety is just as pervasive. I think having a public health nurse come to your home every few weeks to answer questions and check on mother and baby, as is done in many parts of the world, is really, really helpful. 

Bader: In many countries, men have become increasingly involved in parenting, but not all of the men in the book were willing to step up. How can men be encouraged to be more involved in their kids’ lives?

Leonard: In Finland, the government has said very clearly that men have a right to time with their kids. It’s expected, and Finland is the only country in the world where men spend more time with young children than women do.

In the U.S., Rep. Jimmy Gomez (D-Calif.) founded the Congressional Dads’ Caucus in 2023; it now has 45 members. I think many millennial and Gen X men want to be involved, but there is pressure to succeed at work, which complicates this. 

Policies feed culture. Most tech companies offer paternity leave, which has made their companies desirable work sites, but we need policies that help men feel comfortable taking time off when a baby is born. We also have to do more to do away with the two-tiered system that gives good paternity benefits to professional workers in tech and other large companies but does not offer comparable benefits to men in service or industry jobs. Leading by example is important and having models of healthy fatherhood is a good thing for society. When President Obama left the Oval Office at 6:30 p.m. in order to have dinner with his kids, it modeled something others can emulate.   

If examples of healthy masculinity can be put forward, and we can build allyship between feminists, reproductive justice, childcare and healthcare activists, we’ll be able to organize something that benefits the majority of the population. 

Abigail Leonard

Bader: Let’s talk about the current situation in the U.S. Do you think it’s possible to build momentum for pro-family policies like paid medical leave, subsidized childcare, or maternal and child welfare during the next few years?

Leonard: Trump’s election was a misguided response to taking care of families—remember, he pledged to lower food prices—but despite his administration, I think this can be a time of opportunity. If the Democrats can articulate a vision of true “American exceptionalism” by building a foundation for strong families to thrive, they’ll build power. If examples of healthy masculinity can be put forward, and we can build allyship between feminists, reproductive justice, childcare and healthcare activists, we’ll be able to organize something that benefits the majority of the population. 

The fact that government-supported childcare and medical leave are still aspirational says a lot about the contemporary U.S. and what we need to do. But change often happens after moments of chaos, and I believe that support for subsidized childcare, paid parental leave, expanded maternal healthcare and national health insure and can win bipartisan support since these policies will benefit all American families. We just have to keep hope alive.