Real Stories. Real Action.

Felicia Ray Owens at the Center of It All.

The world is full of struggle. It is also full of overcoming.

Character and wisdom are both sculpted over time. These qualities come with loss, lessons, and triumphs. They come after doubts, second guesses, and exploring unknowns. If there was a definitive path to personal growth, everyone would be on it. Truth be told, the seeds of your success are often planted in your past failures, and some of your best stories will likely arise from overcoming your greatest struggles.

Marc and I learned all of that the hard way. Over the past fifteen years we have dealt with several significant hardships, including the sudden death of a sibling, the loss of a best friend to illness, betrayal from a business partner, an unexpected breadwinning employment layoff, and more. These experiences were brutal. Each of them knocked us down and kept us down for a while. But when our time of mourning was over after each tragedy, we pressed forward, stronger, and with a greater understanding and respect for life.

So my challenge to you today is this: Start looking at life’s hard realities and challenges as paths that ultimately lead to your growth. Easier said than done, of course, but here are some key points to consider:

1. The first few steps forward are rarely easy.

Momentum takes effort to build. There’s always some friction in the initial steps, which means the beginnings to good journeys are often hard. But it’s these hard steps that pave the way forward. So be strong and keep going — it will be worth it in the end. Truly, the greatest miracle of your success from this point forward will not be that you finished, it will be that you found the strength and courage to begin, day in and day out.

And remember, it’s not that those who are strong never get weak in the knees, or that they never hold their breath just before they embark, it’s that while their knees are shaking they still encourage themselves to inhale as they take the next step forward.

2. Progress in life comes slowly and gradually.

There are no shortcuts. Progress comes from the process. The secret to your success is found in your daily routine. So trust the journey you are on. And remind yourself that true purpose has no time limit. True purpose has no deadline. Don’t stress and overwhelm yourself. Just do what you can, consistently.

Truly, persistence is the single most common characteristic of high achievers in all walks of life. They simply refuse to give up on the things that matter most to them. They have learned that the longer you hang in there, the greater the chance that something will gradually happen in your favor.

3. You will always have less control than you desire.

The only thing you can absolutely control in life is how you react to things out of your control, and there’s a lot you can’t control. The better you adapt to this reality, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows. In other words, the most powerful changes happen in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over everything you don’t.

As your life unfolds, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better. You simply don’t have to control everything to find growth, happiness, or success. You just need to do your best every day, let go, and let life happen the way it’s supposed to. Because oftentimes the outcomes you can’t change end up changing you and helping you grow. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

4. You can’t avoid risk without avoiding growth.

As Henry David Thoreau once said, “When it’s time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”

Living is a risk. Happiness is a risk. If you’re not a little uncertain sometimes, then you’re not doing it right. Don’t worry about mistakes and failures, worry about what you’re giving up when you don’t even try. Worry about the life you’re not living and the joy you’re forgoing, as you merely exist in the safety of your comfort zone 24/7. Give yourself permission to be one of the people who survived doing it wrong, who made mistakes, but recovered from them and grew stronger.

5. Your most common daily problems are mostly in your head.

The mind is indeed your biggest battleground on a daily basis. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you. And it’s where you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. Truly, the primary cause of unhappiness and defeat on the average day is rarely the current situation, but instead your inner resistance to it. Inner growth on the other hand usually comes down to acceptance of the current situation, and then taking constructive action.

Human beings become quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do great things, right now, without needing anything more. When you gain trust in yourself and the present moment, you have discovered the first secret of growth and success. Because finding your way is not about going somewhere new every second; it’s about seeing familiar ground in new ways. Once you do, you will realize the only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them. (Read “The Last Lecture”.)

6. Long-term happiness can’t be bought (it can be earned).

To paraphrase Dave Ramsey, too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know. Don’t be one of them. Fill your life with lots of experiences, not lots of things. Have incredible stories to tell, not incredible clutter in your closets.

Seriously, if you’d rather be surrounded by pristine objects of little significance rather than by loads of fulfilling memories, stay focused on acquiring tangible possessions. Otherwise, stop fixating on things you can touch and start caring about the things that touch you. Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for something that makes us feel alive. It’s your duty to find it and keep it lit. Promise yourself that you will stay true to your loves, your values, and your purpose through thick and thin. Let your heart and mind work as one. Do what it takes so that one day, many moons from now, you can look back at your life, take one final breath, and crack an honest smile.

7. Not everyone will support you.

If you take every insult or rude remark personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to agree with everyone, everyone doesn’t have to agree with us, and that it’s OK. As Bruce Lee once said, “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” Live by this quote. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget.

Of course, it takes time to learn how to NOT judge yourself through someone else’s eyes, but once you do the world is yours to explore freely. We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own life, and we will never be happy or successful if we try to live someone else’s idea of it. So give up worrying too much about what others think of you. And remember that taking a step back to gracefully walk away from situations that threaten your peace of mind, values, morals, or self-worth, is almost always a healthy and necessary step forward.

8. You are better off without some people in your daily life.

It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you. Notice who sticks around and who doesn’t, and be grateful to those who leave you, for they have given you the room to grow in the space they abandoned, and the awareness to appreciate the people who loved you when you didn’t feel lovable.

Bottom line: Be okay with giving the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate and respect your presence.

9. You can’t have joy in life without some pain.

Chuck Palahniuk once said, “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Some pain and sadness is necessary. Everything in life is two-sided. You can’t expect to feel pleasure without ever feeling pain, joy without ever feeling sorrow, confidence without ever feeling fearful, hope without ever feeling uncertain, etc. There is no such thing as a one-sided coin in life, with which you can buy a pain-free, trouble-free life.

Yes, life is a series of highs and lows — an adventure that requires you to take chances and actions that have the possibility of both success and failure, positive and negative outcomes, etc.

10. Life is always changing, day by day.

Growth can be painful, change can be painful, but in the end nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong. So be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you can’t, accept it and change your thoughts about it. And whatever you do, don’t attempt to invest more energy than you have tripping over something behind you or something that only exists inside your head.

Of course, there will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. You might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine. Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as present and positive as possible in order to make it to see the sun break through the clouds again.

And remind yourself that the trick on the average day is to enjoy the little things. Don’t wish away all your days waiting for better ones ahead. Just do your best to appreciate where you are. You’ve come a long way, and you’re still learning and growing. Be thankful for the progress and lessons. Take them and make the best of things right now.

Now it’s your turn…

Yes, it’s your turn to make your growth a priority today — to give yourself a chance to fully embrace the reminders above. Because your growth won’t always be a priority to others, and it won’t just happen automatically. Practice taking better care of yourself, moving forward, giving yourself grace along the way, and becoming a more reliable part of your own support system.

But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.

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